i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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