Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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