No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
