Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
