How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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