Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
