I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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