if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
