I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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