life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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