Just cropdusted the office
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
