i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
