So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
