it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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