Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
