Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
