Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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