I could have mohawked her pubes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
