I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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