I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's shark week go big or go home
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
