she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
