A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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