4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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