I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
