Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
