If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
