I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
