You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
