You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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