we have officially lost it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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