I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it because I queefed?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
