after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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