What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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