So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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