Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize