I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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