oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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