My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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