Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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