I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
