Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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