So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
