My balls are so social today.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
