....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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