My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
