I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish my penis had a tongue
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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