"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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