my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize