I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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