Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
