like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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