I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
