Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
not ubering you a puppy
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