oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
