i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
