I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
