My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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