i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
