Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
