she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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