he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
