I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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