your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
