Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
