Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
