Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
