Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
