You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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