he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
