ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
