I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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