I'm going to jail i love you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
