My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
