Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
