shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
