someone threw a dead crab at me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
