dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
