Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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