i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
