His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
