If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
