So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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