he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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